SweetCake

The mind is a funny thing.
Rarely do I have dreams that make any sense. Most of my dreams are so bizarre that a person couldn’t even pay me to describe them. The nonsensical dreams are the usual for me, but when I have a “normal” dream, it is either a nightmare, or emotionally driven. Like a few hours ago.

If you know details of my current, how should I put this, situation? That’s not going to be surprising. But no. My brain? Dreams of something, someone, from YEARS ago.

“Hi! Subconscious here! Thought you had shit figured out did ya? Haha! Jokes on you! I’m gonna bring this up so you can dwell on it allllll day. By the way, I’m going to do this constantly because you never resolve things and try to be an emotional robot! “

I’ve yet to figure out the process of closure. I’ve lost loved ones, made terrible decisions, and given up on things without batting an eye. I am in a state where I want nothing more than self acceptance, yet I have these ghosts floating around in my head,rattling bones as I try to rest.

I can’t wait to get the hell OUT of this damn house for the weekend. I feel like I’m being suffocated. I need some drinks, some laughter, some EXCITEMENT.

Very much looking forward to participating in the Houston aids walk this weekend. Everyone should sign up!

I am totally smitten with fragrantica.com

Here we go again.

  Fall asleep at midnight, wake at 4. When I was younger I always assumed people who couldn’t sleep got all sorts of shit done. I imagined them to be up vacuuming at 2 in the morning, or reorganizing their sock drawers while watching late night infomercials. 

  For me, I lay there in a state of brain dead annoyance. I feel somewhat tired. There is also this feeling of flatness. That’s the best way I can describe it. Anyway, when I feel it, I know that I won’t be sleeping much.

  Stepping outside late last night for a smoke I heard noises coming from my neighbor down the road. It was pretty creepy, as he is a raving drunk, and I know in the past he stabbed his wife in the neck with a pencil while arguing over their child’s homework. Regardless, last night he must have tied one on pretty good, because his guttural yells were unintelligible. I stood by the door for a minute, then nearly shat myself as a deer decided to hop through the yard. This was the basis for my night.

I have plans this weekend to drive south. I really need to get out of this house. I’m going to take my kids and head due south. I have a couple areas in mind, but the weather might be a issue. Guess we’ll see.

Alright. I am in dire need of a weekend of fun. I want a phone call that says “You are coming in for a visit, and we are doing ______”.

I find it amusing that I am at a point where I can literally do whatever I want, but due to habit I don’t pursue the possibilities. It is somewhat depressing, and makes me feel, well, like an idiot.

Completely unrelated, but, GNC? Why you lie? I bought a box of vitamins that have some sort of energy boosting crap, and the guy told me they wouldn’t make me jittery. Now, I don’t sleep well as it is, and after taking these things I feel like I could, with a running start, climb the walls. On the other hand, they are now very, VERY clean walls thanks to the “vitamins”.

Two truths & a lie.

I’m learning to quell my obsessive nature one day at a time.

I no longer want to hunt certain people down and kick their teeth out.

I still can’t sleep.

I planned on updating, but I suddenly have a cold and feel completely shitty. I will now go curl up in bed and feel sorry for myself.

I miss my friends.

I would love, LOVE to see a bleeding heart dove in person. Where the hell are they from?